we meet again!

On Monday morning, I carried my bag and left the hotel to the taxi park. There I boarded one to the Ivorian boarder. It wasn’t so expensive. I felt nostalgic leaving Ghana though it was just for a week! At the same time, I was excited I was visiting a new country and most of all, my eyes would behold a man I am in love with and my ears will hear his sweet voice again. It was melodious.

The bus I took to the city was neither rickety nor smooth. The journey was a bit uncomfortable. I kept telling myself that time was all it will take. I was looking forward to the evening of that day because I knew I would see Y. By the time we got to the city, I disembarked and asked the driver how to get to our office. He couldn’t understand me, I couldn’t speak French so I got a piece of paper, wrote the address on it and put a question mark. He then pointed to a taxi park opposite us and I immediately understood it was the appropriate place to get a taxi.

I took a taxi and I also took my time to admire the city. Very beautiful indeed. The citizens did not in any way look like Nigerians. They looked relaxed, happy and innocent. Nigerians are a bit harassed I might say, always in a hurry. The taxi man looked at me through his center mirror, smiled and said ‘tu es jolie mademoiselle’ and winked too. His body language suggested to me that he was just trying to flirt with me. I didn’t understand what he said, but I quite understood the word mademoiselle. I got a bit irritated and removed my gaze to the other side and continued admiring a country God created.

He dropped me in front of our office and I ran out of the car. Honestly, I couldn’t wait, my heart started to beat faster. Before I could say Jack, I saw Y stepping out of the doorway. He looked up, saw me, ran to me, hugged me so tight, carried me up and spinned me around. Wow! It felt good ‘Oh YNV, Oh YNV, is this you? I can’t believe it! I was just about going to the terminal’. Was all he said. I smiled, he was still holding me, I didn’t know what to say. For me, it was just alright that we have seen. It didn’t matter if he replied my mail, called or travelled to the boarder to get me. The most important for me then was that he was there, right there with me, with his sweet voice. The taxi man was just standing by the car with a frown and a silent grin. We then went to get my bag. If it was Lagos, you cannot try it. Leave a taxi man with your luggage while hugging your boyfriend? He will ask you if you feed him and his family…lol. He paid the taxi man and he drove off. Both of us entered into the office and to my greatest surprise, everyone was expecting me. He had told all of them I was coming. Around 7pm, we went straight to Marie Anne’s hotel as planned. I had told him I wasn’t going to spend the night with him throughout my stay. But the ride was wonderful. The sun was about to set and we said nothing in the cab. I just laid my head on his chest. For me that was enough.

i wish i had a mobile phone

my life continued again after Y's departure but it was never the same. i behaved so much like a child coz i always avoided walking past through any spot we spent time together in. the only place i couldn't avoid was the canteen coz i had to eat. But his office, his Hotel, i stayed very very far away from those places.

my colleagues hinted during one of our discussions that IT staff could take some days off at some point. Hmmmm dat rang a bell and i started making plans of how i was going to visit Ivory Coast and spend time with the man i loved.

Y sent me a few emails telling me how much he loved and missed me. I replied those emails but what i really wanted was to see his face and hear his voice. The voice especially, i really loved the way he spoke.

Time moved very slowly. It crawled actually and one day, i decided i was going to ask for a one week leave. I tried and it was granted. the next day, i ran to my account and changed some cedis and dollars i had to CFA's. After work i went to visit an old man that had a sit out behind my hotel.

YNV- 'How are you sir?'
Old man- 'im fine thank you beautiful lady' he said with a husky tone. His ghanaian accent was most prominent
YNV- 'can i have some ginger plantains?' (i forget the name of that delicacy)
Old man-'sure why not'

i waited patiently for my food. when he brought it, i decided to ask for a plate of perfumed rice and some ginger ale. Mr. Ansa was a very likeable old man. Very neat and cheerful. Talking with him was always an interesting event for me. He brought my food and sat next to me.

Old man- 'You know what child...' he said as he looked very faraway from me
YNV- ' Yes?' i answered and drew my chair closer to listen to him
Old man- 'when i see young people full of life i am very happy. It reminds me of my youth
i smiled and he continued 'but youth also brings back a lot of sad memories'
YNV -'What is it?' i asked
Old man - 'I fell in love when i was 20. But i never fought for her. i allowed her slip through my fingers and i was never able to find love again in such colours...i have not been able to forgive myself.'

He told me the story of Koko. A young beautiful Nigerian girl whose father was a soldier in the Ghanaian army. She lived with her dad and mum. They fell in love and one day his father retired to return to Nigeria and he never saw her again. He felt that if he had fought enough by visitng Nigeria or even looking for her to marry her, he would have been happier. They promised each other that they would love themselves forever. They believed that fate would bring them together again but it never did.

i left his shop pondering about my own love life...

The next day was a saturday. i did some chores while planning in my head how i was going to organise my trip. Mr. Ansa's story inspired me to play my part in loving Y whole heartedly while leaving the rest to fate. Atleast, i said to myself, let me love and even if i lose i know i have tried. I didnt want to wallow in pain when i grow old. i didn't want to regret that i didn't give my relationship with Y some air and sunlight.

The next week was ok at work. I was getting a bit stronger but i was occupied with thoughts of Y and how happy he would be to see me. On friday night, i started to put my things together. My leave was approved for the next week. I still couldn't contact Y. Both of us had no mobile phones. I ran to the cyber cafe and sent him a mail, telling him that on Monday i would take a bus from the terminal at the boarder to abidjan. i asked him to wait for me at the office. I checked my mailbox on sunday night and he hadn't replied. i decided to continue the journey since i had the office address.

at the terminal

The next morning, very early in the morning, i took a quick bath and dashed out of the hotel promising myself to be strong and not to weep like a baby. i got to the terminal, there was a long cue of people buying their tickets, Y was one of them. He saw me at a distance, he did not smile, his eyes looked smaller and his lips just met themselves. He looked sad, as if he had given up. When i got close to him, surprisingly, we didn't say a word to each other. he bought his ticket and held my hand as he we walked close to the luxury bus.

Y had tears in his eyes, he kept pressing my palm, assuring me that we will still get together. I myself couldn't utter a word, i was too amazed to talk. i depended on him for strenght at that point. Before i could gather myself, tears started dropping. i kept cleaning them with the back of my right palm. He told me i was looking lovely. i had an orange shirt on, and a grey jeans trouser. He whispered into my ear that he was looking forward to my visit. That was my only hope. It was the only string that held me on thatt banana tree close to the cliff. i held on to that.

Y boarded, i watched him step in and i decided to leave immediately. He waved, i waved back and i left. i grabbed a taxi, got back to my hotel. Ibukun saw me. She had just finished having her bath. i sobbed and sobbed on her shoulders. She let me stay on and she comforted me. Ibukun was a friend!

7 days to go!

As i got to my hotel room after a terrible day at work, i fell on my bed, buried my head in my pillow and started sobbing uncontrolably. Ibukun entered the room and met me crying, almost wailing. She tried to pull me up, it was very difficult. Finally, she managed to do so, my eyes were swollen and red. my mouth was trembling. i was in pain. i was afraid.

Ibukun- What is it? eh? why are u crying?

YNV- Its Y( i said inbetween sobs)

Ibukun - What happened to him?

YNV- He just has a week to spend in Ghana. He has been transferred to Ivory Coast.

She slumped on the bed and kept starring at the ceiling. Ibukun understood how much i loved Y and how happy he made me feel at all times. After like what seemed like 50 seconds, she held me up and started consoling me, telling me not to worry at all since cars and planes were invented for travels. Her care helped a lot, but throughout the night, i didn't shut an eye.

The next day at the office, as i got to the hallway, i sighted Y standing and talking with some of our colleagues. When i got closer, he grabbed my hands and asked how i was. i didn't answer him. He then told me that a party was being organised for him on Friday night coz he was to leave on saturday morning. I told him i thought it was a good idea. then he invited me specially though everyone was meant to attend. I told him i didn't know my way to his hotel. He promised to come pick me that night.

i felt special...wow, the celebrant will leave his party to go pick a princess...lol. Anyway, the week ran fast in my eyes. atimes we had lunch, atimes we smiled at each other, we didn't say much, but right inside of me, i was dying. i was praying that the MD will change his mind and transfer someone else but nothing happened. On thursday morning at work, Y was just waiting for me near my office. When he saw me he smiled, i smiled back and stopped

Y- How have u been beautiful?

YNV- so so.

Y- I was wondering if you will like to spend the evening with me. I'm packing my things though they are not much and it would be nice to have you around.

YNV- Like i said, i don't know how to get to your hotel

Y- Oh i will direct you to the place ok. its not difficult. I have my handover notes to finish up. See you later beauty

He walked away and i went into my office. Honestly, it was not easy watching him and knowing it was like 2 days left. hmmmmmmm, it was tough.

After work on thursday, i headed to Y's hotel. i found him in there playing some music and doing some packing. I liked one of his african prints and he promised to buy one for me. there and then, we planned that i would be coming to Ivory Coast for sight seeing. We also agreed that i would not be staying with him but with Anne marie, another staff of ours that came around for a retreat. She was working at the office in Ivory Coast and we became friends when she came around in Ghana.

before i left that thursday, Y gave me a very tight hug. that was my first time of actually hugging a guy very tight. and when he left me, he ran into the bathroom. I was standing there, i had tears in my eyes and i was trying to control them so that they don't stream down my cheeks. i ran to the bathroom to check what was wrong with him, i found out he was crying. there and then, i carried my handbag and took off.

the next day in the office, we didn't say a word to each other. i was actually getting angry. the naive spirit in me reasoned that if Y loved me enough, he would stay back...lol. before he left, he came by my office and told me he would be coming to my room at 6 pm to pick me up for the party. i nodded. i didn't eat anything that afternoon. i couldn't concentrate. Ibukun kept assuring me that all was well.

At 6pm, i was already dressed and Y knocked at my door. i opened the door and saw his tall frame standing. he hugged me again and asked me right inside my ears if i was ready. i said i was. We left and ibukun promsied to get there a bit later. When we got to the lobby of the hotel, everyone was there, dancing and eating. after a while, people danced in circles. Y never left my sight. he just stood with me and we danced african music together. He served my food and we had real fun. The fun couldn't really digest coz i was thinking of tommorrow. The fun in my mind was not real. The reality for me was that Y, the first man i have ever had the freedom and willingness to love was leaving me and i wasn't sure when i was going to set my eyes on him again. it was getting late, people were still in there drinking dancing and getting drunk, Y asked me to follow him for a walk.

We walked around the boulevard. It was romantic and quiet. He held me and i placed my head on his shoulders as we walked. He kept saying random things like how God brings people together and how mysterious life was. All these he said with an accent. It was romantic trust me. We were actually walking to my own hotel coz it was close by. As we got to the side walk, he asked for a kiss, i said i didn't want him to kiss me coz i wasn't sure if i was going to see him and i didn't want to remember that. So he kissed my forehead very softly and told me i was beautiful. He promised me he was going to come to Ghana before i leave for Nigeria and i held on to that.

He walked me to the door of my room. Ibunkun saw us for she was just by the corrido. She told Y that he shouldn't worry for whatever will be will be. He told me to take care. I promised him that i would come to the bus terminal on saturday morning to bid him farewell. He then walked away with a smile on his face.

dancing in circles

Every mornng as i got ready to work, my heart will keep beating. the beats were so constant and it increased at the sight of Y at the office. Going to work became a thing of joy. i started getting very excited coz i knew i would always see him. Some days, i don't get to see him at all. i would miss him terribly. i get consoled by seeing his figure in a far distance, maybe whenever he was entering the staff bus. the truth be told, it was enough for me.

i told Ibunkun that i had fallen in love with Y. She was shocked coz i had told her about O and how much he cared about me. I explained to her that my feelings for Y were very very unusual. i always longed for him and whenever he spoke, butterflies ran through my entire tommy.

Y always dressed casually. he was always looking simple. His voice was my weakest point. i loved it. Ibukun told me i should take things easy with Y. i sent an email to my favorite girl back in Nigeria telling her about Y and how much i preferred him to O, she was just ok with it. Hmmm i wondered. Ibukun later told me that i shouldn't consider having anything to do with Y since he wasn't a Nigerian. She also reminded me that our stay in Ghana was just for a while in addition to the fact that i may not visit again neither will i have the time coz i had to go back to school. i waved all she told me by my side and kept loving every minute of my time at work. as time went on, i stared thinking less of O. wow, i felt justified by my actions. i was like afterall i always have a right to express my feelings.

One morning, we had a briefing in the meeting room and Y was sitting right behind me. people made comments but he didn't say a word. he kept listening and folding a piece of paper he was holding just to pass time. he wrote down some points as the briefing went on and as our General Manager spoke. Ask me again and again how i knew what he was doing? i kept turning to look at him. the other time our eyes met, he smiled at me.

***********************************************************************************
It was Friday night and atimes we had a little get together were we eat, drink , mix up and dance in circles. Y danced with me that night. it was an ivorian dance so he was teaching me the steps. wow, it felt good. that was how we got talking. it was like boom!!! we got along quite well. he told me about his studies, his country and his family. apparently, he was in his final year in the university. he came to do his attachement just like me. i told him i would like to visit the country since it was very close to Ghana, he encouraged me to plan it. that was how we became friends, we ate lunch together. my job was not affected, i was still at the top of my game.

i felt a bit bad about O. i told myself i will let him know when i return that i don't want to date him anymore. i felt better with Y. he was romantic. very romantic.

One morning, as i came to work, i met Y at the hallway and he told me he has been transferred. He has been asked to return to Ivory Coast. i almost sank into the ground. it was like my world was crashing. i looked him closely without saying a word. he starred at me too and didn't say anything too. our minds spoke to each other. it was one of the most painful news i have ever recieved in my entire life. That night, i did not sleep. Y had just a week left in Ghana.

madam mensah's canteen

On Monday the following week. I reported to work. I noticed it was the normal practice like in Nigeria. I had a desk close to Ibukun’s. It was a wide office with about 6 tables. I and Ibukun were the only Nigerians in that department. Lunch was ok. We had some Ghanaian delicacies on display but I just went for my rice, plantain and chicken just to be on the safe side. The day actually went very well. There was no drama.

One month on the job, things were moving on very well. The General Manager was a Yoruba man. He was of average height, heavy looking but very very sweet.I and Ibukun had fun buying Ghanaian prints. They were so cheap. I also spent some Cedi’s buying the original kente. I wanted to make a sassy style in Lagos. O called at least once a week. It was not enough for me, but I felt it was better than not calling at all. We exchanged emails as well.

One Monday morning, I checked my intranet and there was an announcement that we had an emergency staff meeting. I wondered what it was going to be about. I kind of liked the idea because I would have the opportunity to meet the whole staff. I was taken round the office for introductions upon my arrival but I released that a lot of my colleagues were not on seat that day. All of us sat down at the meeting room. Half of us were Ghanaians, a few Ivorians, a few South Africans and an Ethiopian. It was a wonderful mixture. All of us could speak English. I was loving every minute I spent there. I planned to apply to work there after my studies.

When the Managing Director showed up, there was silence in the room. The emergency meeting was just to announce that some staff would be transferred to Ivory Coast while we would be expecting 2 Ivorians to replace them. It was a normal thing in the company. Staff transfers. I heard from a staff, a cute South African lady ‘if you spend a year working in the company, you would have lived in at least 3 different African countries’.

The next two days, Ibukun was off work. I had finished my report so I headed to the staff canteen for Lunch. When I came in the morning, I ran an important errand for my Manager so I wasn’t in the office. When I returned, my colleague Mefiah told me that the new staff from Ivory Coast had arrived. A man and a lady. I said to myself I would meet them later on. When I got to the Canteen, Madam Mensah asked for my order, I told her what I wanted and waited for her to dish it. As I took the plate of food to find a seat, a tall unusual man entered into the canteen and for the first time, my heart skipped at the sight of a handsome man. Our eyes met, but because of what went on inside of me, I ignored his gaze and sat down quietly and tried very hard to concentrate on my food. After what seemed like a few minutes, the gentleman sat down right opposite me and ate his food quietly.

I felt quite uneasy, the reaction was much. I had almost finished my food and all of a sudden he said ‘Hi, my name is Y’
‘Hi’ I retorted, ‘you must be the transfer staff from Ivory Coast?’
‘Yes’ he said ‘What’s your name and where are you from?’
‘My name is YNV. I am from Nigeria’
‘It’s my pleasure meeting you’
‘Same here’ I said and hurried with my food
‘See you later’ I said and I ran away!
I kept saying to myself ‘Oh I love Y’s voice. I love his accent. He spoke just like a perfect gentleman. The kind of man that will send flowers to a lady!’ That was the day my problems started.

akwabaa (hope i got it right)

i bought a nice singlet for O. i wanted to give him something he would always wear. i bought it, wrapped it in a blue and white wrapping paper and hid it inside my box. after sometime, i decided to leave it on my book rack since it was that slim.

two days before O's birthday, he came to my room and i told him i would appreciate it if he came by on his birthday. He couldn't understand why. i told him i wanted to give him a gift. that sounded even more strange to him. surprisingly then, he showed up. i wished him a happy birthday and gave him his gift. after 30 minutes, i told him i had to leave coz i had some event to attend at the church.

Honestly, i didn't really see any big deal in my attitude. For all i could care for, if he didn't want to see me, he could leave.

Days passed and months rolled by and by the begining of my third year in the university, it was time to go for my industrial attachement also known as IT.

**********************************************************************************

i travelled to Lagos and was attached to a company that did primarily what i was studing in school. i loved my office to the core, to the bone marrows lol and every morning was a begining of high expectations, dressing time and happiness. i loved to dress up. the company i was working for had branches all over Africa. Even at the office in Lagos, we had foreigners but mostly anglophones. it was fun. i loved it. i totally loved it and i was everybody's friend. Was it the lunch part, or the T.I.G.F. events? it was mega fun...lots to drink, different hits from across the continent. we danced to the hits and i learnt contemporary african dance.

O called me once in a while. he also sent me love letters and emails. assuring me of his love and reminded me of the need to do what he wouldn't do. He had finished his final exams some months back. it was during those years that ASUU went on strike as much as we ate food in a day. so at the time i was working + having fun in lagos, he was at school compiling his results and hoping that the some frustrated lecturers and admins at the exams department would release and work his result. i missed him atimes but not totally.

One morning, our MD called me to his office and as i sat down, i couldn't decode the look on his face. He told me i have been transferred to the company's branch in Ghana along with one other colleague who was a full time worker. i had mixed feelings. i was happy but a bit sad coz i knew i was going to miss the friends i had made in Lagos. he told me not to worry that the compnay had a singular nature in all it's offices around the continent. He assured me i was going to love it. i agreed and he told me i was to leave in 3 days.

On the D day, i and ibukun left to the airport and boarded the plane that took us to Accra. it was a plesant trip. i was loving it but was missing Nigeria. When we landed in Ghana and took a taxi to our hotel, the cab man asked us a few questions and it was obvious to him that we were foreigners. after all we discussed he said ' Welcam' the way Ghanians spoke, i knew i had landed into the country that would be my temporary home for about 5 months.

and the wind blew

I sent O an SOS message through a friend of his I saw around the General Studies department on certain morning. There were no mobile phones then so every morning as I went to school, I prayed I would bump into him or his friend. I really needed to discuss issues with him.

O came to my department one afternoon. I was having a lecture and was sitting close to the door. Suddenly he walked past. My heart skipped a bit and started to beat continuously. When our eyes met he made a sign that he would be waiting downstairs. Trust me, throughout the lecturers, I wasn’t the one sitting. I kept rehearsing how I was going to start my queries (if I may use that word).

1. I have heard everything? So you have been pretending all this while. D has told me everything… no, not good enough
2. I heard something; a friend of yours told me this about you. Is it true...? better
3. There are somethings you haven’t told me about yourself. Are u a womanizer...?noooooo!!!

All these ran through my mind while the Mr. M was teaching. I was very far away. Though my eyes were fixed on Mr. M, I wasn’t seeing him. I decided I was going to use my number two style. I would tell him what I heard, I would not tell him who told me so he wouldn’t fight with his friend and I would give him a chance to explain. I decided I wouldn’t judge him.

Immediately the lecturer left, I jumped off my seat, packed my books and whispered to my closest friend ‘O is around. I have to see him I will gist you later.’ I ran down the staircase. I saw him standing near the doorway looking disturbed. I gave him a quick smile and he felt at ease and held my hand
O- How are you? You look pretty.
YNV- I am fine thanks and you?
O- Not good, (he said with a silent grin) ever since F told me you wanted to see me to discuss an urgent matter, I have not been at rest. What have I done?
YNV- No you don’t have to worry about it. Let’s get a place to seat down.

I was wearing a knee length fitted gown. O commented on my legs. He liked them. We kept moving till we got to a classroom that was sparsely occupied. It was during our semester exams so most classes were occupied with students reading or discussing. We went straight to the back seat and I told him everything D told me in a loud whisper. As I spoke, I looked at him and what I read from his looks was everything D said was true. I didn’t mention the cult part. When I finished reporting everything I heard, the following conversation ensued:
O- Who told you this? (he said very calmly)
YNV- You don’t have to know who. I wouldn’t even tell you. It’s a friend of yours. O, please don’t lie to me.
O- Sweetie, everything he said is true
YNV- (I stared at him. amazed at his honesty)
O- You cannot imagine how much I love you. I know I have been a bit wayward during my years in school but since I met you, I knew you were what I have always wanted. All I want from you is deep friendship. If it was sex I wanted, I would have left a long time ago.
YNV- (I kept starring at him but not with a judgmental eye. my eyes encouraged him to bare out his mind)
O- All I need from you is trust. I need you to believe that I am not here to harm you. There comes a time in a man’s life when he decides to quit all childishness and that time came the first day I met you.Please tell me who told you this.
YNV- I am sorry I can’t. I don’t think it is necessary. Why do you want to know?
O- I just want to know. I wouldn’t confront him. I just want to know who this friend of mine is. A friend that is truly an enemy. I have to be wary of him. How could he do this? But anyways, I am very very happy you asked me.
I smiled
O- Some other people would just walk away without giving an opportunity for explanations but you didn’t. Thank you. Everyday, I get surer that you are all I want.
His eyes glowed as he spoke and I was happy and satisfied. I was happy to know that O admitted he did all in the past and was willing to drop all of it because of our love for each other. Both of us walked back towards my hostel. We talked of other things. He flattered me a lot and always had fun laughing at the way I responded to issues.

As we got to my hostel, he told me to take good care and assured me of happiness always as his intentions were plain and pure. I nodded to all he said. I was happy. As he left, he whispered ‘I will come see you tonight. Next week Wednesday is my birthday.’ Our eyes met again and before I could say Jack, he left me. I walked into the hostel thinking of a nice gift for a man that has decided to love me despite my inability to communicate my true feelings. There was a conflict. I liked him, infact, I could say it was love, but I didn’t want stories, I didn’t want to be carried away. I didn’t want to do what I never planned to do. O visited that night. I saw him off when it was time to go. He still didn’t get his kiss, just a side hug as I always gave…lol. But he didn’t mind. I often wondered how patient he was. During the weekend, I went to see my best friend and we talked about O, giggled and I told her it was his birthday next Wednesday.

Silently, Iwas afraid of two things...one was that O would like me to come around that day and spend sometime just like every normal girlfriend would do. Two is that i knew i wasn't going to his room. Then i wondered 'how will I give him his birthday present?' A thought ran through my mind- 'Iwould tell him to come to my room and pick it. Yes, thats what I will do.'

an unexpected visit

Finally O showed up one beautiful Saturday evening. I still remember very vividly his signature scent. Honestly, I was very happy to see him. I couldn’t gather the courage to ask him why I didn’t see him for 3 nights. Surprisingly, he just spoke my mind.
O- I was very sick. That’s why I didn’t come to see you these past days
YNV- Wow. What was wrong with you? Are you OK now?
O- Yes I’m better. How have you been?
YNV- I have been OK. I am so sorry, I didn’t know you were sick
O- How would you know when you have blatantly refused to visit me, let alone know where I live?
(I just smiled)

A smile has always been my weapon to end a discussion or to show neutrality. When I smile, I have not said anything about an issue neither have I agreed. O was right. How would I have known he was sick when I never looked for him? When I never even knew the nearest or farthest place to find him. But he kept coming to visit and one day, I told my friend U that I really wanted to go visit him. She encouraged me and I went to look for him one afternoon following his directions.

I met him outside his BQ coz he was living outside the school premises. To my utmost surprise, my elder brother’s friend saw me talking with him. Little did I know that my brother’s friend was O’s neighbour. I became a bit uncomfortable. Anyway, I was outside O’s room because I refused to go inside. Part of my strategies then was not to enter a man’s room alone. I was attracted to O, but I was still afraid of him and he kept saying to me ‘YNV, I am not a lion. I am not going to eat you’ and like I always did, I smiled. My brother’s friend actually came and said hi and asked what I was doing there. I told him I came to visit O. His face didn’t really show any sign of approval or disappointment. I told myself I had the right to do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted. I consoled myself with the fact that O was harmless.

Two nights after, O had left my room. I had escorted him outside the hostel. When we got to a lonely path where I will usually stopped to run back to the hostel, he asked for a kiss and I ran away…lol. Whenever I did that, he would smile. But he never stopped caring or asking after me. He was still the silent man I knew. Always agreeing to everything I said. The next night, he insisted on taking me out to a show. O always complained I was always inside my room. It was an open show that was held in one of the open fields in school. It was that night I knew the real character of the guy I was dating. O laughed very loudly. It was a comedy show. He laughed so loudly. You know the kind of laughter that makes one run and keep laughing. Yes, that was his style. He cracked silly jokes with the guys standing behind us and he spoke the heaviest of Pidgin English. I was shocked o. I didn’t know that O was that lively. So I concluded that this guy was always silent around me just to make me feel comfortable. He didn’t know I preferred the real part of him. I just kept that discovery to myself. I felt like a detective that just solved a mystery.

Two weeks later, I got an unexpected visitor. It was my brother’s friend. I was shocked to see him. I left my book on the table because I was reading when he came in and he asked me to follow him outside because he wanted to discuss some things with me and my roommates were around. I followed him and we left the hostel.
D-So how is everything going?
YNV- pretty well. Very well sha. No problems at all
D-Hope you are finding school interesting. You know it’s very necessary to work hard
YNV- I am trying my best. Though it is not easy but I am doing it sha
(We kept strolling)
D- I am here because of the respect and love I have for your brother and your family. What do you have with O?
YNV- O?
D- Yes O. I was surprised to see you with him that day. Anyway, I just came to tell you that he is the last person you want to have something with. First of all, you are still a very young girl. You should be concentrating on your studies right now. O is not a good guy. He is known in this school for chasing young girls especially first year students, sleeping with them and dumping them. You are now his next target.
YNV-(starring in amazement)
D-He is also a member of the Buccaneer boys. Please desist from seeing him. He will do you no good. Forget about his looks. They are fake. He is just out here to destroy you.
YNV- OK. Thanks for letting me know. We are not deeply involved. He is just a very close friend (A close friend I don’t tell anything)
D- No matter what he is to you. You have to break every tie you have with him
(We stopped at a point and after some exchange of greetings, D left and headed towards the male hostel. I stood there starring at his silhouette as he kept walking and almost disappeared from my gaze)

Quietly with my face down, I walked slowly towards my hostel.
I was very flabbergasted, unhappy, confused and disturbed. I found it difficult to believe everything D told me. On second thoughts, I said to myself, what will D gain from lying to me? He was like a brother. I just concluded he was advising me. Right there and then, I decided to confront O. I decided I was going to ask him everything.

october rush

I got into the university the following year. Before I did my registration, my parents gave me money to buy provisions, clothing, everything that I would require to feel good as an undergraduate. My mother was always full of surprises. She always ensured that her children got what they needed. Two days later I went to the market, got some new sassy casuals and shoes. I also bought provisions according to my elder sister’s advice ‘YNV, don’t buy too many clothes yet. Wait until your mates arrive and when you see the kind of clothes they wear, you will then know exactly what extras to buy.’ my eldest sister was very protective of me. She loved me so much.

My mother’s advice kept changing as I grew older. During that time she told me it was normal and OK to have a boyfriend. Infact, she told me that if I told her I don’t have one she wouldn’t believe me. She warned that I should always know my limits. She also said I could party, go out, but all should end there. No extracurricular activities...Lol
I had all that at the back of my mind. Interesting thing is that I had made up my mind to go that route. She encouraged me in the beginning and it made sense to me. It was all a personal thing.

Lectures started, I got new roommates and I started making new friends. My roommates were a very funny set of girls. The most senior one was kind and friendly but she was a ‘runs girl’ as we used to call them then. She made older male friends outside school, always slept in their houses and she will come back with money. It was a way of life for her, a way of survival. She was considered hot among her mates. I don’t remember having any opinions about her lifestyle. She always used the money she got to buy new clothes and pay up some school levies. One day she told me ‘YNV, u know if you follow me to Abuja, the men there will like you. They will say you are still fresh. Honestly, they will like you’ I just smiled and didn’t encourage her to continue.

Some months later, I went to the Bank in school to collect some money. I was still standing in a cue when I caught a set of eyes fixed at me. The guy was handsome and of average height. I looked away and after some minutes he walked towards me.
O- Hi,
YNV- Hello
O-My name is O.O. you look so familiar, do you live in ….?
YNV- No I don’t (I said very calmly not knowing exactly what he wanted)
O- Ok, I am a final year student of….What’s your name?
YNV (I smiled) my name is YNV. I am a new student
O-That’s nice. Hope you enjoy our school though it’s a lot of work. What department are you in?
YNV- (I told him)
O- it’s a pleasure meeting you. Hope to meet again. Bye
YNV- alright, bye.

I ran into him again after a month in one of the departments in our faculty. He was with a friend and he stopped to say hello. A week after, I met him inside our hostel he was coming down the stairs. He said he came to see his sister and asked for my room number and I gave it to him. That was how O became a regular visitor to my room.
My roommates thought O was cute. I thought he was too but there was this silence I always saw in his face. He didn’t say much whenever he came. All he could tell me most times was how babyish I looked and I always laughed at that. Slowly I started getting very used to him. He visited every night. Then there were no mobile phones so he would come all the way from where he was living without confirming if I was around or not. One night, O didn’t visit, I waited and waited and he never came, it was at that point I realized I was gradually falling in love with him.

a time in my life

before i entered into the university, i took some GCE and JAMB lessons. Where i grew up in the east, it was an opportunity for young teenage girls to mingle with other girls and boys from other secondary schools. first of all, we went for lessons in casual clothes, no uniforms. we could also wear make-up to these lessons. the most interesting part of it for me was dressing up and coming back in a group of girls. we would chat and laugh our hearts away at any slightest joke. atimes we sang on the way, anything to gather attention from on lookers or passers by. Most times, our classmates who were usually boys would be moving behind us, cracking jokes and acting cool. that made us even louder. we call it seeking for notice. we did that a lot...lol

Those of us that had boyfriends would pair up. on the streets, the boy would stride with pride while the girl would glide silently with glee almost in silence smiling at every little thing the boy said. those of us that didn't have boyfriends were consoling oursleves with gists like 'tommorrow is Emeka's party what are you wearing?' or ' do you know amaka and chinedu have started dating? i saw both of them moving towards the uncompleted building yesterday." we would laugh and laugh and laugh. slowly as each of us got to our homes, we left the group and got into our homes depending on the street or area we were moving towards. it was really fun back then.

i remember L, very vividly as if it were yesterday. she wasn't living in our town but in another town in a different state. she came to attend lessons with us and she was staying with her elder sister. L acted more mature than me and she was older. Her sister lived on my street so we became good friends. we went for lessons together and came back together. slowly we left the group of girls and came back from lessons on our own. it was also during that time i met G. G was a final year student in the university and he always saw me coming back from lessons. he asked around from my classmates and he got my contacts, from there he started asking me out.

G always came to my class and would wait till the lesson was over. he said all sorts of things to me, how he loved me and how he wanted us to become lovers. i found that difficult to agree to. I was a babe. in fact, i attended all parties, danced with boys but i knew my limits. for instance, i never danced with a boy who would prefer to be stroking me. i always avoided that. i never agreed to visit a boy in any enclosed area or his house.

G found what i was doing as queer but he never gave up. he even engaged L to talk me into agreeing to become his lover. he invited me for a drink i refused, he invited me to his house, i refused too but he never gave up.

L will come to lessons and telll me about her boyfriend Frank. She always told me how well Frank made love to her. i was damn too innocent then to understand that there were preferences. She advised me to agree to G. She told me there was no big deal in being his lover that i was big enough to have a boyfriend. i told her G was too old for me. i also told her i wouldn't sleep with him. She laughed at me and told me i was acting like a small girl. She told me that i should take it easy and start with becoming friends as all will work out easily that way.

Aside:
My mum advised me the first day i saw my period that i should be careful with boys. she told me that a boy couldn't offer me anything and she offered that i should always come to her if i had problems. she told me that my private part was a no go area. in fact, it was an instruction she gave me.

I agreed to become G's friend and not a lover yet. He sent me love cards and never really gave me a gift but i gave him a deodorant spray on his birthday. He kept visiting me and he never stopped to tell me how lovely i was.

One day, during one of his visits, G came to my class during break and was looking sad and quiet
YNV- Whats the problem?
G- Nothing is the problem. i am about travelling and i am going to miss you. i am missing you already.
i smiled and i was turning red. i was just 16 then.
we talked of other things. i was begining to get very used to him. infact i was begining to like him but my mother's instructions kept on sounding in my mind
then after what seemed like 5 minutes of silence coz he was starring into my eyes he asked:
G- can we play love?
YNV- what do u mean?
G- i want to make love to you. you are very beautiful
YNV- no, i don't want
G- why not? you are not a small girl. do you want to remain like this till you enter the university?
YNV-yes, let it be
G- my dear, its good to start now. do you want your husband to complain you can't perform?
YNV- perform? how do u mean?
G- practice makes perfect my dear. if you start now, your husband will enjoy you.
YNV- i can't and i won't. inshort...byeee
i left him there and he just starred at me until i entered my class and he left quietly.

as i sat down in the class, i told myself i would never agree to G's demands even if he threw insults at me. my mother had already warned me that it was one of their tricks to get you to think that if you had sex, you were mature.

G saw me again when he returned from his trip. He was rounding up his exams then and he kept asking me for sex and i refused. infact, i stopped contacting him and i started acting funny, that was how we lost touch. my exams came, i took them and came out in flying colours and was admitted to study at the university.

G still calls me till date. He lives outside the country...na wah o

Welcome to my world

Hi there!

I always say my story is not in the books of today. I haven't read a story like mine not even in the internet. I google a lot. yes, everything that confuses me i google immediately and i have not yet found a story close to mine.

i am a 24 year old virgin living in Lagos. I work with a private company and i work really hard. you know the way lagos is. you wake up at 5 a.m.to beat the habitual traffic. you get to work and you have to earn your cash. atimes you skip meals and you compensate yourself with a huge dinner.

i decided to blog to tell the world what i go through emotionally because of the way i have chosen to live my life. it all started in secondary school when i made up my mind i wasn't gonna have sex till i got married. my friends laughed at me when i told them this and one of them said to me 'hey let's bet it, by your second year in the university, tell me you have never had sex!'

yes i made up my mind a long time ago to go through this route. i always fantasized sleeping with my husband for the first time after our wedding party. i envision a man that is not really interested in who attends the wedding party or what gifts he recieves but preoccupies his mind with the thought of his young maiden as a wife. ps tell me if im talking rubbish coz honestly i still want this to happen.

so this please come with me as i take you round my world. tell me honestly what you think of my lifestyle. i will appreciate your thoughts on this.

i will be back tommorrow to begin my story. this is just my intro..lol

so till then, its bye for now!