i bought a nice singlet for O. i wanted to give him something he would always wear. i bought it, wrapped it in a blue and white wrapping paper and hid it inside my box. after sometime, i decided to leave it on my book rack since it was that slim.
two days before O's birthday, he came to my room and i told him i would appreciate it if he came by on his birthday. He couldn't understand why. i told him i wanted to give him a gift. that sounded even more strange to him. surprisingly then, he showed up. i wished him a happy birthday and gave him his gift. after 30 minutes, i told him i had to leave coz i had some event to attend at the church.
Honestly, i didn't really see any big deal in my attitude. For all i could care for, if he didn't want to see me, he could leave.
Days passed and months rolled by and by the begining of my third year in the university, it was time to go for my industrial attachement also known as IT.
**********************************************************************************
i travelled to Lagos and was attached to a company that did primarily what i was studing in school. i loved my office to the core, to the bone marrows lol and every morning was a begining of high expectations, dressing time and happiness. i loved to dress up. the company i was working for had branches all over Africa. Even at the office in Lagos, we had foreigners but mostly anglophones. it was fun. i loved it. i totally loved it and i was everybody's friend. Was it the lunch part, or the T.I.G.F. events? it was mega fun...lots to drink, different hits from across the continent. we danced to the hits and i learnt contemporary african dance.
O called me once in a while. he also sent me love letters and emails. assuring me of his love and reminded me of the need to do what he wouldn't do. He had finished his final exams some months back. it was during those years that ASUU went on strike as much as we ate food in a day. so at the time i was working + having fun in lagos, he was at school compiling his results and hoping that the some frustrated lecturers and admins at the exams department would release and work his result. i missed him atimes but not totally.
One morning, our MD called me to his office and as i sat down, i couldn't decode the look on his face. He told me i have been transferred to the company's branch in Ghana along with one other colleague who was a full time worker. i had mixed feelings. i was happy but a bit sad coz i knew i was going to miss the friends i had made in Lagos. he told me not to worry that the compnay had a singular nature in all it's offices around the continent. He assured me i was going to love it. i agreed and he told me i was to leave in 3 days.
On the D day, i and ibukun left to the airport and boarded the plane that took us to Accra. it was a plesant trip. i was loving it but was missing Nigeria. When we landed in Ghana and took a taxi to our hotel, the cab man asked us a few questions and it was obvious to him that we were foreigners. after all we discussed he said ' Welcam' the way Ghanians spoke, i knew i had landed into the country that would be my temporary home for about 5 months.
Monday, March 31, 2008
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
and the wind blew
I sent O an SOS message through a friend of his I saw around the General Studies department on certain morning. There were no mobile phones then so every morning as I went to school, I prayed I would bump into him or his friend. I really needed to discuss issues with him.
O came to my department one afternoon. I was having a lecture and was sitting close to the door. Suddenly he walked past. My heart skipped a bit and started to beat continuously. When our eyes met he made a sign that he would be waiting downstairs. Trust me, throughout the lecturers, I wasn’t the one sitting. I kept rehearsing how I was going to start my queries (if I may use that word).
1. I have heard everything? So you have been pretending all this while. D has told me everything… no, not good enough
2. I heard something; a friend of yours told me this about you. Is it true...? better
3. There are somethings you haven’t told me about yourself. Are u a womanizer...?noooooo!!!
All these ran through my mind while the Mr. M was teaching. I was very far away. Though my eyes were fixed on Mr. M, I wasn’t seeing him. I decided I was going to use my number two style. I would tell him what I heard, I would not tell him who told me so he wouldn’t fight with his friend and I would give him a chance to explain. I decided I wouldn’t judge him.
Immediately the lecturer left, I jumped off my seat, packed my books and whispered to my closest friend ‘O is around. I have to see him I will gist you later.’ I ran down the staircase. I saw him standing near the doorway looking disturbed. I gave him a quick smile and he felt at ease and held my hand
O- How are you? You look pretty.
YNV- I am fine thanks and you?
O- Not good, (he said with a silent grin) ever since F told me you wanted to see me to discuss an urgent matter, I have not been at rest. What have I done?
YNV- No you don’t have to worry about it. Let’s get a place to seat down.
I was wearing a knee length fitted gown. O commented on my legs. He liked them. We kept moving till we got to a classroom that was sparsely occupied. It was during our semester exams so most classes were occupied with students reading or discussing. We went straight to the back seat and I told him everything D told me in a loud whisper. As I spoke, I looked at him and what I read from his looks was everything D said was true. I didn’t mention the cult part. When I finished reporting everything I heard, the following conversation ensued:
O- Who told you this? (he said very calmly)
YNV- You don’t have to know who. I wouldn’t even tell you. It’s a friend of yours. O, please don’t lie to me.
O- Sweetie, everything he said is true
YNV- (I stared at him. amazed at his honesty)
O- You cannot imagine how much I love you. I know I have been a bit wayward during my years in school but since I met you, I knew you were what I have always wanted. All I want from you is deep friendship. If it was sex I wanted, I would have left a long time ago.
YNV- (I kept starring at him but not with a judgmental eye. my eyes encouraged him to bare out his mind)
O- All I need from you is trust. I need you to believe that I am not here to harm you. There comes a time in a man’s life when he decides to quit all childishness and that time came the first day I met you.Please tell me who told you this.
YNV- I am sorry I can’t. I don’t think it is necessary. Why do you want to know?
O- I just want to know. I wouldn’t confront him. I just want to know who this friend of mine is. A friend that is truly an enemy. I have to be wary of him. How could he do this? But anyways, I am very very happy you asked me.
I smiled
O- Some other people would just walk away without giving an opportunity for explanations but you didn’t. Thank you. Everyday, I get surer that you are all I want.
His eyes glowed as he spoke and I was happy and satisfied. I was happy to know that O admitted he did all in the past and was willing to drop all of it because of our love for each other. Both of us walked back towards my hostel. We talked of other things. He flattered me a lot and always had fun laughing at the way I responded to issues.
As we got to my hostel, he told me to take good care and assured me of happiness always as his intentions were plain and pure. I nodded to all he said. I was happy. As he left, he whispered ‘I will come see you tonight. Next week Wednesday is my birthday.’ Our eyes met again and before I could say Jack, he left me. I walked into the hostel thinking of a nice gift for a man that has decided to love me despite my inability to communicate my true feelings. There was a conflict. I liked him, infact, I could say it was love, but I didn’t want stories, I didn’t want to be carried away. I didn’t want to do what I never planned to do. O visited that night. I saw him off when it was time to go. He still didn’t get his kiss, just a side hug as I always gave…lol. But he didn’t mind. I often wondered how patient he was. During the weekend, I went to see my best friend and we talked about O, giggled and I told her it was his birthday next Wednesday.
Silently, Iwas afraid of two things...one was that O would like me to come around that day and spend sometime just like every normal girlfriend would do. Two is that i knew i wasn't going to his room. Then i wondered 'how will I give him his birthday present?' A thought ran through my mind- 'Iwould tell him to come to my room and pick it. Yes, thats what I will do.'
Monday, March 10, 2008
an unexpected visit
Finally O showed up one beautiful Saturday evening. I still remember very vividly his signature scent. Honestly, I was very happy to see him. I couldn’t gather the courage to ask him why I didn’t see him for 3 nights. Surprisingly, he just spoke my mind.
O- I was very sick. That’s why I didn’t come to see you these past days
YNV- Wow. What was wrong with you? Are you OK now?
O- Yes I’m better. How have you been?
YNV- I have been OK. I am so sorry, I didn’t know you were sick
O- How would you know when you have blatantly refused to visit me, let alone know where I live?
(I just smiled)
A smile has always been my weapon to end a discussion or to show neutrality. When I smile, I have not said anything about an issue neither have I agreed. O was right. How would I have known he was sick when I never looked for him? When I never even knew the nearest or farthest place to find him. But he kept coming to visit and one day, I told my friend U that I really wanted to go visit him. She encouraged me and I went to look for him one afternoon following his directions.
I met him outside his BQ coz he was living outside the school premises. To my utmost surprise, my elder brother’s friend saw me talking with him. Little did I know that my brother’s friend was O’s neighbour. I became a bit uncomfortable. Anyway, I was outside O’s room because I refused to go inside. Part of my strategies then was not to enter a man’s room alone. I was attracted to O, but I was still afraid of him and he kept saying to me ‘YNV, I am not a lion. I am not going to eat you’ and like I always did, I smiled. My brother’s friend actually came and said hi and asked what I was doing there. I told him I came to visit O. His face didn’t really show any sign of approval or disappointment. I told myself I had the right to do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted. I consoled myself with the fact that O was harmless.
Two nights after, O had left my room. I had escorted him outside the hostel. When we got to a lonely path where I will usually stopped to run back to the hostel, he asked for a kiss and I ran away…lol. Whenever I did that, he would smile. But he never stopped caring or asking after me. He was still the silent man I knew. Always agreeing to everything I said. The next night, he insisted on taking me out to a show. O always complained I was always inside my room. It was an open show that was held in one of the open fields in school. It was that night I knew the real character of the guy I was dating. O laughed very loudly. It was a comedy show. He laughed so loudly. You know the kind of laughter that makes one run and keep laughing. Yes, that was his style. He cracked silly jokes with the guys standing behind us and he spoke the heaviest of Pidgin English. I was shocked o. I didn’t know that O was that lively. So I concluded that this guy was always silent around me just to make me feel comfortable. He didn’t know I preferred the real part of him. I just kept that discovery to myself. I felt like a detective that just solved a mystery.
Two weeks later, I got an unexpected visitor. It was my brother’s friend. I was shocked to see him. I left my book on the table because I was reading when he came in and he asked me to follow him outside because he wanted to discuss some things with me and my roommates were around. I followed him and we left the hostel.
D-So how is everything going?
YNV- pretty well. Very well sha. No problems at all
D-Hope you are finding school interesting. You know it’s very necessary to work hard
YNV- I am trying my best. Though it is not easy but I am doing it sha
(We kept strolling)
D- I am here because of the respect and love I have for your brother and your family. What do you have with O?
YNV- O?
D- Yes O. I was surprised to see you with him that day. Anyway, I just came to tell you that he is the last person you want to have something with. First of all, you are still a very young girl. You should be concentrating on your studies right now. O is not a good guy. He is known in this school for chasing young girls especially first year students, sleeping with them and dumping them. You are now his next target.
YNV-(starring in amazement)
D-He is also a member of the Buccaneer boys. Please desist from seeing him. He will do you no good. Forget about his looks. They are fake. He is just out here to destroy you.
YNV- OK. Thanks for letting me know. We are not deeply involved. He is just a very close friend (A close friend I don’t tell anything)
D- No matter what he is to you. You have to break every tie you have with him
(We stopped at a point and after some exchange of greetings, D left and headed towards the male hostel. I stood there starring at his silhouette as he kept walking and almost disappeared from my gaze)
Quietly with my face down, I walked slowly towards my hostel.
I was very flabbergasted, unhappy, confused and disturbed. I found it difficult to believe everything D told me. On second thoughts, I said to myself, what will D gain from lying to me? He was like a brother. I just concluded he was advising me. Right there and then, I decided to confront O. I decided I was going to ask him everything.
O- I was very sick. That’s why I didn’t come to see you these past days
YNV- Wow. What was wrong with you? Are you OK now?
O- Yes I’m better. How have you been?
YNV- I have been OK. I am so sorry, I didn’t know you were sick
O- How would you know when you have blatantly refused to visit me, let alone know where I live?
(I just smiled)
A smile has always been my weapon to end a discussion or to show neutrality. When I smile, I have not said anything about an issue neither have I agreed. O was right. How would I have known he was sick when I never looked for him? When I never even knew the nearest or farthest place to find him. But he kept coming to visit and one day, I told my friend U that I really wanted to go visit him. She encouraged me and I went to look for him one afternoon following his directions.
I met him outside his BQ coz he was living outside the school premises. To my utmost surprise, my elder brother’s friend saw me talking with him. Little did I know that my brother’s friend was O’s neighbour. I became a bit uncomfortable. Anyway, I was outside O’s room because I refused to go inside. Part of my strategies then was not to enter a man’s room alone. I was attracted to O, but I was still afraid of him and he kept saying to me ‘YNV, I am not a lion. I am not going to eat you’ and like I always did, I smiled. My brother’s friend actually came and said hi and asked what I was doing there. I told him I came to visit O. His face didn’t really show any sign of approval or disappointment. I told myself I had the right to do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted. I consoled myself with the fact that O was harmless.
Two nights after, O had left my room. I had escorted him outside the hostel. When we got to a lonely path where I will usually stopped to run back to the hostel, he asked for a kiss and I ran away…lol. Whenever I did that, he would smile. But he never stopped caring or asking after me. He was still the silent man I knew. Always agreeing to everything I said. The next night, he insisted on taking me out to a show. O always complained I was always inside my room. It was an open show that was held in one of the open fields in school. It was that night I knew the real character of the guy I was dating. O laughed very loudly. It was a comedy show. He laughed so loudly. You know the kind of laughter that makes one run and keep laughing. Yes, that was his style. He cracked silly jokes with the guys standing behind us and he spoke the heaviest of Pidgin English. I was shocked o. I didn’t know that O was that lively. So I concluded that this guy was always silent around me just to make me feel comfortable. He didn’t know I preferred the real part of him. I just kept that discovery to myself. I felt like a detective that just solved a mystery.
Two weeks later, I got an unexpected visitor. It was my brother’s friend. I was shocked to see him. I left my book on the table because I was reading when he came in and he asked me to follow him outside because he wanted to discuss some things with me and my roommates were around. I followed him and we left the hostel.
D-So how is everything going?
YNV- pretty well. Very well sha. No problems at all
D-Hope you are finding school interesting. You know it’s very necessary to work hard
YNV- I am trying my best. Though it is not easy but I am doing it sha
(We kept strolling)
D- I am here because of the respect and love I have for your brother and your family. What do you have with O?
YNV- O?
D- Yes O. I was surprised to see you with him that day. Anyway, I just came to tell you that he is the last person you want to have something with. First of all, you are still a very young girl. You should be concentrating on your studies right now. O is not a good guy. He is known in this school for chasing young girls especially first year students, sleeping with them and dumping them. You are now his next target.
YNV-(starring in amazement)
D-He is also a member of the Buccaneer boys. Please desist from seeing him. He will do you no good. Forget about his looks. They are fake. He is just out here to destroy you.
YNV- OK. Thanks for letting me know. We are not deeply involved. He is just a very close friend (A close friend I don’t tell anything)
D- No matter what he is to you. You have to break every tie you have with him
(We stopped at a point and after some exchange of greetings, D left and headed towards the male hostel. I stood there starring at his silhouette as he kept walking and almost disappeared from my gaze)
Quietly with my face down, I walked slowly towards my hostel.
I was very flabbergasted, unhappy, confused and disturbed. I found it difficult to believe everything D told me. On second thoughts, I said to myself, what will D gain from lying to me? He was like a brother. I just concluded he was advising me. Right there and then, I decided to confront O. I decided I was going to ask him everything.
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
october rush
I got into the university the following year. Before I did my registration, my parents gave me money to buy provisions, clothing, everything that I would require to feel good as an undergraduate. My mother was always full of surprises. She always ensured that her children got what they needed. Two days later I went to the market, got some new sassy casuals and shoes. I also bought provisions according to my elder sister’s advice ‘YNV, don’t buy too many clothes yet. Wait until your mates arrive and when you see the kind of clothes they wear, you will then know exactly what extras to buy.’ my eldest sister was very protective of me. She loved me so much.
My mother’s advice kept changing as I grew older. During that time she told me it was normal and OK to have a boyfriend. Infact, she told me that if I told her I don’t have one she wouldn’t believe me. She warned that I should always know my limits. She also said I could party, go out, but all should end there. No extracurricular activities...Lol
I had all that at the back of my mind. Interesting thing is that I had made up my mind to go that route. She encouraged me in the beginning and it made sense to me. It was all a personal thing.
Lectures started, I got new roommates and I started making new friends. My roommates were a very funny set of girls. The most senior one was kind and friendly but she was a ‘runs girl’ as we used to call them then. She made older male friends outside school, always slept in their houses and she will come back with money. It was a way of life for her, a way of survival. She was considered hot among her mates. I don’t remember having any opinions about her lifestyle. She always used the money she got to buy new clothes and pay up some school levies. One day she told me ‘YNV, u know if you follow me to Abuja, the men there will like you. They will say you are still fresh. Honestly, they will like you’ I just smiled and didn’t encourage her to continue.
Some months later, I went to the Bank in school to collect some money. I was still standing in a cue when I caught a set of eyes fixed at me. The guy was handsome and of average height. I looked away and after some minutes he walked towards me.
O- Hi,
YNV- Hello
O-My name is O.O. you look so familiar, do you live in ….?
YNV- No I don’t (I said very calmly not knowing exactly what he wanted)
O- Ok, I am a final year student of….What’s your name?
YNV (I smiled) my name is YNV. I am a new student
O-That’s nice. Hope you enjoy our school though it’s a lot of work. What department are you in?
YNV- (I told him)
O- it’s a pleasure meeting you. Hope to meet again. Bye
YNV- alright, bye.
I ran into him again after a month in one of the departments in our faculty. He was with a friend and he stopped to say hello. A week after, I met him inside our hostel he was coming down the stairs. He said he came to see his sister and asked for my room number and I gave it to him. That was how O became a regular visitor to my room.
My roommates thought O was cute. I thought he was too but there was this silence I always saw in his face. He didn’t say much whenever he came. All he could tell me most times was how babyish I looked and I always laughed at that. Slowly I started getting very used to him. He visited every night. Then there were no mobile phones so he would come all the way from where he was living without confirming if I was around or not. One night, O didn’t visit, I waited and waited and he never came, it was at that point I realized I was gradually falling in love with him.
My mother’s advice kept changing as I grew older. During that time she told me it was normal and OK to have a boyfriend. Infact, she told me that if I told her I don’t have one she wouldn’t believe me. She warned that I should always know my limits. She also said I could party, go out, but all should end there. No extracurricular activities...Lol
I had all that at the back of my mind. Interesting thing is that I had made up my mind to go that route. She encouraged me in the beginning and it made sense to me. It was all a personal thing.
Lectures started, I got new roommates and I started making new friends. My roommates were a very funny set of girls. The most senior one was kind and friendly but she was a ‘runs girl’ as we used to call them then. She made older male friends outside school, always slept in their houses and she will come back with money. It was a way of life for her, a way of survival. She was considered hot among her mates. I don’t remember having any opinions about her lifestyle. She always used the money she got to buy new clothes and pay up some school levies. One day she told me ‘YNV, u know if you follow me to Abuja, the men there will like you. They will say you are still fresh. Honestly, they will like you’ I just smiled and didn’t encourage her to continue.
Some months later, I went to the Bank in school to collect some money. I was still standing in a cue when I caught a set of eyes fixed at me. The guy was handsome and of average height. I looked away and after some minutes he walked towards me.
O- Hi,
YNV- Hello
O-My name is O.O. you look so familiar, do you live in ….?
YNV- No I don’t (I said very calmly not knowing exactly what he wanted)
O- Ok, I am a final year student of….What’s your name?
YNV (I smiled) my name is YNV. I am a new student
O-That’s nice. Hope you enjoy our school though it’s a lot of work. What department are you in?
YNV- (I told him)
O- it’s a pleasure meeting you. Hope to meet again. Bye
YNV- alright, bye.
I ran into him again after a month in one of the departments in our faculty. He was with a friend and he stopped to say hello. A week after, I met him inside our hostel he was coming down the stairs. He said he came to see his sister and asked for my room number and I gave it to him. That was how O became a regular visitor to my room.
My roommates thought O was cute. I thought he was too but there was this silence I always saw in his face. He didn’t say much whenever he came. All he could tell me most times was how babyish I looked and I always laughed at that. Slowly I started getting very used to him. He visited every night. Then there were no mobile phones so he would come all the way from where he was living without confirming if I was around or not. One night, O didn’t visit, I waited and waited and he never came, it was at that point I realized I was gradually falling in love with him.
Monday, March 3, 2008
a time in my life
before i entered into the university, i took some GCE and JAMB lessons. Where i grew up in the east, it was an opportunity for young teenage girls to mingle with other girls and boys from other secondary schools. first of all, we went for lessons in casual clothes, no uniforms. we could also wear make-up to these lessons. the most interesting part of it for me was dressing up and coming back in a group of girls. we would chat and laugh our hearts away at any slightest joke. atimes we sang on the way, anything to gather attention from on lookers or passers by. Most times, our classmates who were usually boys would be moving behind us, cracking jokes and acting cool. that made us even louder. we call it seeking for notice. we did that a lot...lol
Those of us that had boyfriends would pair up. on the streets, the boy would stride with pride while the girl would glide silently with glee almost in silence smiling at every little thing the boy said. those of us that didn't have boyfriends were consoling oursleves with gists like 'tommorrow is Emeka's party what are you wearing?' or ' do you know amaka and chinedu have started dating? i saw both of them moving towards the uncompleted building yesterday." we would laugh and laugh and laugh. slowly as each of us got to our homes, we left the group and got into our homes depending on the street or area we were moving towards. it was really fun back then.
i remember L, very vividly as if it were yesterday. she wasn't living in our town but in another town in a different state. she came to attend lessons with us and she was staying with her elder sister. L acted more mature than me and she was older. Her sister lived on my street so we became good friends. we went for lessons together and came back together. slowly we left the group of girls and came back from lessons on our own. it was also during that time i met G. G was a final year student in the university and he always saw me coming back from lessons. he asked around from my classmates and he got my contacts, from there he started asking me out.
G always came to my class and would wait till the lesson was over. he said all sorts of things to me, how he loved me and how he wanted us to become lovers. i found that difficult to agree to. I was a babe. in fact, i attended all parties, danced with boys but i knew my limits. for instance, i never danced with a boy who would prefer to be stroking me. i always avoided that. i never agreed to visit a boy in any enclosed area or his house.
G found what i was doing as queer but he never gave up. he even engaged L to talk me into agreeing to become his lover. he invited me for a drink i refused, he invited me to his house, i refused too but he never gave up.
L will come to lessons and telll me about her boyfriend Frank. She always told me how well Frank made love to her. i was damn too innocent then to understand that there were preferences. She advised me to agree to G. She told me there was no big deal in being his lover that i was big enough to have a boyfriend. i told her G was too old for me. i also told her i wouldn't sleep with him. She laughed at me and told me i was acting like a small girl. She told me that i should take it easy and start with becoming friends as all will work out easily that way.
Aside:
My mum advised me the first day i saw my period that i should be careful with boys. she told me that a boy couldn't offer me anything and she offered that i should always come to her if i had problems. she told me that my private part was a no go area. in fact, it was an instruction she gave me.
I agreed to become G's friend and not a lover yet. He sent me love cards and never really gave me a gift but i gave him a deodorant spray on his birthday. He kept visiting me and he never stopped to tell me how lovely i was.
One day, during one of his visits, G came to my class during break and was looking sad and quiet
YNV- Whats the problem?
G- Nothing is the problem. i am about travelling and i am going to miss you. i am missing you already.
i smiled and i was turning red. i was just 16 then.
we talked of other things. i was begining to get very used to him. infact i was begining to like him but my mother's instructions kept on sounding in my mind
then after what seemed like 5 minutes of silence coz he was starring into my eyes he asked:
G- can we play love?
YNV- what do u mean?
G- i want to make love to you. you are very beautiful
YNV- no, i don't want
G- why not? you are not a small girl. do you want to remain like this till you enter the university?
YNV-yes, let it be
G- my dear, its good to start now. do you want your husband to complain you can't perform?
YNV- perform? how do u mean?
G- practice makes perfect my dear. if you start now, your husband will enjoy you.
YNV- i can't and i won't. inshort...byeee
i left him there and he just starred at me until i entered my class and he left quietly.
as i sat down in the class, i told myself i would never agree to G's demands even if he threw insults at me. my mother had already warned me that it was one of their tricks to get you to think that if you had sex, you were mature.
G saw me again when he returned from his trip. He was rounding up his exams then and he kept asking me for sex and i refused. infact, i stopped contacting him and i started acting funny, that was how we lost touch. my exams came, i took them and came out in flying colours and was admitted to study at the university.
G still calls me till date. He lives outside the country...na wah o
Those of us that had boyfriends would pair up. on the streets, the boy would stride with pride while the girl would glide silently with glee almost in silence smiling at every little thing the boy said. those of us that didn't have boyfriends were consoling oursleves with gists like 'tommorrow is Emeka's party what are you wearing?' or ' do you know amaka and chinedu have started dating? i saw both of them moving towards the uncompleted building yesterday." we would laugh and laugh and laugh. slowly as each of us got to our homes, we left the group and got into our homes depending on the street or area we were moving towards. it was really fun back then.
i remember L, very vividly as if it were yesterday. she wasn't living in our town but in another town in a different state. she came to attend lessons with us and she was staying with her elder sister. L acted more mature than me and she was older. Her sister lived on my street so we became good friends. we went for lessons together and came back together. slowly we left the group of girls and came back from lessons on our own. it was also during that time i met G. G was a final year student in the university and he always saw me coming back from lessons. he asked around from my classmates and he got my contacts, from there he started asking me out.
G always came to my class and would wait till the lesson was over. he said all sorts of things to me, how he loved me and how he wanted us to become lovers. i found that difficult to agree to. I was a babe. in fact, i attended all parties, danced with boys but i knew my limits. for instance, i never danced with a boy who would prefer to be stroking me. i always avoided that. i never agreed to visit a boy in any enclosed area or his house.
G found what i was doing as queer but he never gave up. he even engaged L to talk me into agreeing to become his lover. he invited me for a drink i refused, he invited me to his house, i refused too but he never gave up.
L will come to lessons and telll me about her boyfriend Frank. She always told me how well Frank made love to her. i was damn too innocent then to understand that there were preferences. She advised me to agree to G. She told me there was no big deal in being his lover that i was big enough to have a boyfriend. i told her G was too old for me. i also told her i wouldn't sleep with him. She laughed at me and told me i was acting like a small girl. She told me that i should take it easy and start with becoming friends as all will work out easily that way.
Aside:
My mum advised me the first day i saw my period that i should be careful with boys. she told me that a boy couldn't offer me anything and she offered that i should always come to her if i had problems. she told me that my private part was a no go area. in fact, it was an instruction she gave me.
I agreed to become G's friend and not a lover yet. He sent me love cards and never really gave me a gift but i gave him a deodorant spray on his birthday. He kept visiting me and he never stopped to tell me how lovely i was.
One day, during one of his visits, G came to my class during break and was looking sad and quiet
YNV- Whats the problem?
G- Nothing is the problem. i am about travelling and i am going to miss you. i am missing you already.
i smiled and i was turning red. i was just 16 then.
we talked of other things. i was begining to get very used to him. infact i was begining to like him but my mother's instructions kept on sounding in my mind
then after what seemed like 5 minutes of silence coz he was starring into my eyes he asked:
G- can we play love?
YNV- what do u mean?
G- i want to make love to you. you are very beautiful
YNV- no, i don't want
G- why not? you are not a small girl. do you want to remain like this till you enter the university?
YNV-yes, let it be
G- my dear, its good to start now. do you want your husband to complain you can't perform?
YNV- perform? how do u mean?
G- practice makes perfect my dear. if you start now, your husband will enjoy you.
YNV- i can't and i won't. inshort...byeee
i left him there and he just starred at me until i entered my class and he left quietly.
as i sat down in the class, i told myself i would never agree to G's demands even if he threw insults at me. my mother had already warned me that it was one of their tricks to get you to think that if you had sex, you were mature.
G saw me again when he returned from his trip. He was rounding up his exams then and he kept asking me for sex and i refused. infact, i stopped contacting him and i started acting funny, that was how we lost touch. my exams came, i took them and came out in flying colours and was admitted to study at the university.
G still calls me till date. He lives outside the country...na wah o
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)