A strange feeling

i have been away for months and i do apologise. but i am back now, my story continues. thanks peeps! -YNV


Marie-Anne was quite happy to see me. She has always shown to me that she liked my person. i never hesitated to show her i liked her too. Y asked me if i wanted anything to eat. I said yes and he went out and brought back some designer rice and stew with some chicken. When he stepped out, I and Marie-Anne started to chat. She asked me how Ghana has been, i said lovely and calm as usual. She also told me she has fallen in love with a nice Ivorien, but she begged me not to tell anyone not even Y.

'Why? 'i asked her. i was wondering why someone will be hiding the fact that she is in love.

'I have lost a lot of relationships in the past. Most of them i lost when i announced to friends and family. so now, i have decided to keep this secret until months before my wedding."

i starred at her continously and from there became lost in thoughts, i didnt know when she finished talking.

i enjoyed eaating my rice and stew. it was spicy and i love spicy food. Marie-Anne didn't understand why Y sould be buying food when she had already cooked food in the kitchen. After eating my food, Marie-Anne left the room, i was about to gulp some water from a glass and Y cut in

'Guess what?'

'What?' i asked as i dropped my fork and starred directly into his eyes with a knowing smile

'i took a whole week off to spend this time time with you' he said with excitement and i screamed as a reply. it was wonderful. Marie-Anne returned and he told her a lot about me and how i made the jorney single handedly. He thought i was a smart and strong girl. all i cared about at that time was the fact that i was sitting close to a man i thought i would never see again.

At 10pm, Y said he had to leave. He told me he would come pick me up the next day around 10am in the morning so we could move around the city. That sounded like fun to me. i felt good and free. i thought to myself, we would walk around the city, hand in hand, fool around and tell each other sweet nothings.

10am the next day, Y knocked on the door and i ran to open it. i knew it was him. Marie-Anne had left for work. When he saw me, he hugged me tightly as usual and i percieved his manly scent. i felt so safe. wow, those strong looking but soft arms!

'So you ready?' he asked with his accent most prominent. His voice always made me feel like jumping.

'Yes i am' i said 'please give me a second'. i ran to the kitchen to make sure everything was in place and i appeared again before him all smiles and signalling that i was ready to go.

Y took me round the city. we were in a taxi cab. i pointed at a lot of structures and he named them for me and told me what happens in each of them. He was quite knowledgeable. i thought it was a beautiful city. i have heard alot about Abidjan. The sun was shinning very brightly and the taxi man had original congo music playing on the radio. That made me keep quiet for some time as a lot was going through my mind. while i was doing that i placed my head on Y's shoulder. Next i felt was a tap. We stopped close to a restaurant. He wanted us to eat soemthing.

As we went into the restaurant, my satisfaction began to diminish. i couldn't place a finger on what i felt was the problem, but deep inside of me, i knew that something was wrong. i knew Y may not be able to fill the void in my heart. i became a bit dissapointed and right there, i started thinking of the day i would leave to Ghana. Quite strange

The meal was good. i just had chicken and chips. Y as i fantasized didn't tell me sweet nothings. We didn't fool around like i expected. It was a section of the restaurant were music was playing that he asked me for a dance. While we were dancing,he wanted to kiss me and i removed my face. he then asked in a loud whisper, very close to my ears

'Why don't you want me to kiss you?'

i shook my head. he then he pulled my shoulder so that i would look at him and he asked again 'YNV, why?'

i then explained to him that i wouldn't be able to hold the feelin for too long while not being sure if we were going to be together. i didn't want to remember my kiss in pains. he only laughed but obeyed. After the meal, we went to the museum and the Nigerian Embassy. i just felt like running back to Marie-Anne's house. i was tired and dissappointed. i thought it was going to be more fun like walking in a park or on the sea shore. You know, like visiting the beach and feeling the natural breeze on our skins. Funny enough i couldn't demand for such a treatment. on second thoughts, i felt maybe i was being too impatient afterall it was just day 1. i left the rest to my young imagination. 'Who knows what Y has in stock for me' i thought to myself. Probably there will be better days ahead.

As he dropped me off at Marie-Anne's and left with the same taxi, i thought about that strange feeling i had before entering the restaurant. What is the probability of marriage with Y? How long will his relationship last judging from the distance and the fact that sex was already ruled out? Are we going to keep travelling just to see each other? i expected Y to be telling me things that would make me feel secure but he was saying nothing. All he told me after we stopped at Marie-Anne's was that we would be going to see his cousin the next day..ah!

we meet again!

On Monday morning, I carried my bag and left the hotel to the taxi park. There I boarded one to the Ivorian boarder. It wasn’t so expensive. I felt nostalgic leaving Ghana though it was just for a week! At the same time, I was excited I was visiting a new country and most of all, my eyes would behold a man I am in love with and my ears will hear his sweet voice again. It was melodious.

The bus I took to the city was neither rickety nor smooth. The journey was a bit uncomfortable. I kept telling myself that time was all it will take. I was looking forward to the evening of that day because I knew I would see Y. By the time we got to the city, I disembarked and asked the driver how to get to our office. He couldn’t understand me, I couldn’t speak French so I got a piece of paper, wrote the address on it and put a question mark. He then pointed to a taxi park opposite us and I immediately understood it was the appropriate place to get a taxi.

I took a taxi and I also took my time to admire the city. Very beautiful indeed. The citizens did not in any way look like Nigerians. They looked relaxed, happy and innocent. Nigerians are a bit harassed I might say, always in a hurry. The taxi man looked at me through his center mirror, smiled and said ‘tu es jolie mademoiselle’ and winked too. His body language suggested to me that he was just trying to flirt with me. I didn’t understand what he said, but I quite understood the word mademoiselle. I got a bit irritated and removed my gaze to the other side and continued admiring a country God created.

He dropped me in front of our office and I ran out of the car. Honestly, I couldn’t wait, my heart started to beat faster. Before I could say Jack, I saw Y stepping out of the doorway. He looked up, saw me, ran to me, hugged me so tight, carried me up and spinned me around. Wow! It felt good ‘Oh YNV, Oh YNV, is this you? I can’t believe it! I was just about going to the terminal’. Was all he said. I smiled, he was still holding me, I didn’t know what to say. For me, it was just alright that we have seen. It didn’t matter if he replied my mail, called or travelled to the boarder to get me. The most important for me then was that he was there, right there with me, with his sweet voice. The taxi man was just standing by the car with a frown and a silent grin. We then went to get my bag. If it was Lagos, you cannot try it. Leave a taxi man with your luggage while hugging your boyfriend? He will ask you if you feed him and his family…lol. He paid the taxi man and he drove off. Both of us entered into the office and to my greatest surprise, everyone was expecting me. He had told all of them I was coming. Around 7pm, we went straight to Marie Anne’s hotel as planned. I had told him I wasn’t going to spend the night with him throughout my stay. But the ride was wonderful. The sun was about to set and we said nothing in the cab. I just laid my head on his chest. For me that was enough.

i wish i had a mobile phone

my life continued again after Y's departure but it was never the same. i behaved so much like a child coz i always avoided walking past through any spot we spent time together in. the only place i couldn't avoid was the canteen coz i had to eat. But his office, his Hotel, i stayed very very far away from those places.

my colleagues hinted during one of our discussions that IT staff could take some days off at some point. Hmmmm dat rang a bell and i started making plans of how i was going to visit Ivory Coast and spend time with the man i loved.

Y sent me a few emails telling me how much he loved and missed me. I replied those emails but what i really wanted was to see his face and hear his voice. The voice especially, i really loved the way he spoke.

Time moved very slowly. It crawled actually and one day, i decided i was going to ask for a one week leave. I tried and it was granted. the next day, i ran to my account and changed some cedis and dollars i had to CFA's. After work i went to visit an old man that had a sit out behind my hotel.

YNV- 'How are you sir?'
Old man- 'im fine thank you beautiful lady' he said with a husky tone. His ghanaian accent was most prominent
YNV- 'can i have some ginger plantains?' (i forget the name of that delicacy)
Old man-'sure why not'

i waited patiently for my food. when he brought it, i decided to ask for a plate of perfumed rice and some ginger ale. Mr. Ansa was a very likeable old man. Very neat and cheerful. Talking with him was always an interesting event for me. He brought my food and sat next to me.

Old man- 'You know what child...' he said as he looked very faraway from me
YNV- ' Yes?' i answered and drew my chair closer to listen to him
Old man- 'when i see young people full of life i am very happy. It reminds me of my youth
i smiled and he continued 'but youth also brings back a lot of sad memories'
YNV -'What is it?' i asked
Old man - 'I fell in love when i was 20. But i never fought for her. i allowed her slip through my fingers and i was never able to find love again in such colours...i have not been able to forgive myself.'

He told me the story of Koko. A young beautiful Nigerian girl whose father was a soldier in the Ghanaian army. She lived with her dad and mum. They fell in love and one day his father retired to return to Nigeria and he never saw her again. He felt that if he had fought enough by visitng Nigeria or even looking for her to marry her, he would have been happier. They promised each other that they would love themselves forever. They believed that fate would bring them together again but it never did.

i left his shop pondering about my own love life...

The next day was a saturday. i did some chores while planning in my head how i was going to organise my trip. Mr. Ansa's story inspired me to play my part in loving Y whole heartedly while leaving the rest to fate. Atleast, i said to myself, let me love and even if i lose i know i have tried. I didnt want to wallow in pain when i grow old. i didn't want to regret that i didn't give my relationship with Y some air and sunlight.

The next week was ok at work. I was getting a bit stronger but i was occupied with thoughts of Y and how happy he would be to see me. On friday night, i started to put my things together. My leave was approved for the next week. I still couldn't contact Y. Both of us had no mobile phones. I ran to the cyber cafe and sent him a mail, telling him that on Monday i would take a bus from the terminal at the boarder to abidjan. i asked him to wait for me at the office. I checked my mailbox on sunday night and he hadn't replied. i decided to continue the journey since i had the office address.

at the terminal

The next morning, very early in the morning, i took a quick bath and dashed out of the hotel promising myself to be strong and not to weep like a baby. i got to the terminal, there was a long cue of people buying their tickets, Y was one of them. He saw me at a distance, he did not smile, his eyes looked smaller and his lips just met themselves. He looked sad, as if he had given up. When i got close to him, surprisingly, we didn't say a word to each other. he bought his ticket and held my hand as he we walked close to the luxury bus.

Y had tears in his eyes, he kept pressing my palm, assuring me that we will still get together. I myself couldn't utter a word, i was too amazed to talk. i depended on him for strenght at that point. Before i could gather myself, tears started dropping. i kept cleaning them with the back of my right palm. He told me i was looking lovely. i had an orange shirt on, and a grey jeans trouser. He whispered into my ear that he was looking forward to my visit. That was my only hope. It was the only string that held me on thatt banana tree close to the cliff. i held on to that.

Y boarded, i watched him step in and i decided to leave immediately. He waved, i waved back and i left. i grabbed a taxi, got back to my hotel. Ibukun saw me. She had just finished having her bath. i sobbed and sobbed on her shoulders. She let me stay on and she comforted me. Ibukun was a friend!

7 days to go!

As i got to my hotel room after a terrible day at work, i fell on my bed, buried my head in my pillow and started sobbing uncontrolably. Ibukun entered the room and met me crying, almost wailing. She tried to pull me up, it was very difficult. Finally, she managed to do so, my eyes were swollen and red. my mouth was trembling. i was in pain. i was afraid.

Ibukun- What is it? eh? why are u crying?

YNV- Its Y( i said inbetween sobs)

Ibukun - What happened to him?

YNV- He just has a week to spend in Ghana. He has been transferred to Ivory Coast.

She slumped on the bed and kept starring at the ceiling. Ibukun understood how much i loved Y and how happy he made me feel at all times. After like what seemed like 50 seconds, she held me up and started consoling me, telling me not to worry at all since cars and planes were invented for travels. Her care helped a lot, but throughout the night, i didn't shut an eye.

The next day at the office, as i got to the hallway, i sighted Y standing and talking with some of our colleagues. When i got closer, he grabbed my hands and asked how i was. i didn't answer him. He then told me that a party was being organised for him on Friday night coz he was to leave on saturday morning. I told him i thought it was a good idea. then he invited me specially though everyone was meant to attend. I told him i didn't know my way to his hotel. He promised to come pick me that night.

i felt special...wow, the celebrant will leave his party to go pick a princess...lol. Anyway, the week ran fast in my eyes. atimes we had lunch, atimes we smiled at each other, we didn't say much, but right inside of me, i was dying. i was praying that the MD will change his mind and transfer someone else but nothing happened. On thursday morning at work, Y was just waiting for me near my office. When he saw me he smiled, i smiled back and stopped

Y- How have u been beautiful?

YNV- so so.

Y- I was wondering if you will like to spend the evening with me. I'm packing my things though they are not much and it would be nice to have you around.

YNV- Like i said, i don't know how to get to your hotel

Y- Oh i will direct you to the place ok. its not difficult. I have my handover notes to finish up. See you later beauty

He walked away and i went into my office. Honestly, it was not easy watching him and knowing it was like 2 days left. hmmmmmmm, it was tough.

After work on thursday, i headed to Y's hotel. i found him in there playing some music and doing some packing. I liked one of his african prints and he promised to buy one for me. there and then, we planned that i would be coming to Ivory Coast for sight seeing. We also agreed that i would not be staying with him but with Anne marie, another staff of ours that came around for a retreat. She was working at the office in Ivory Coast and we became friends when she came around in Ghana.

before i left that thursday, Y gave me a very tight hug. that was my first time of actually hugging a guy very tight. and when he left me, he ran into the bathroom. I was standing there, i had tears in my eyes and i was trying to control them so that they don't stream down my cheeks. i ran to the bathroom to check what was wrong with him, i found out he was crying. there and then, i carried my handbag and took off.

the next day in the office, we didn't say a word to each other. i was actually getting angry. the naive spirit in me reasoned that if Y loved me enough, he would stay back...lol. before he left, he came by my office and told me he would be coming to my room at 6 pm to pick me up for the party. i nodded. i didn't eat anything that afternoon. i couldn't concentrate. Ibukun kept assuring me that all was well.

At 6pm, i was already dressed and Y knocked at my door. i opened the door and saw his tall frame standing. he hugged me again and asked me right inside my ears if i was ready. i said i was. We left and ibukun promsied to get there a bit later. When we got to the lobby of the hotel, everyone was there, dancing and eating. after a while, people danced in circles. Y never left my sight. he just stood with me and we danced african music together. He served my food and we had real fun. The fun couldn't really digest coz i was thinking of tommorrow. The fun in my mind was not real. The reality for me was that Y, the first man i have ever had the freedom and willingness to love was leaving me and i wasn't sure when i was going to set my eyes on him again. it was getting late, people were still in there drinking dancing and getting drunk, Y asked me to follow him for a walk.

We walked around the boulevard. It was romantic and quiet. He held me and i placed my head on his shoulders as we walked. He kept saying random things like how God brings people together and how mysterious life was. All these he said with an accent. It was romantic trust me. We were actually walking to my own hotel coz it was close by. As we got to the side walk, he asked for a kiss, i said i didn't want him to kiss me coz i wasn't sure if i was going to see him and i didn't want to remember that. So he kissed my forehead very softly and told me i was beautiful. He promised me he was going to come to Ghana before i leave for Nigeria and i held on to that.

He walked me to the door of my room. Ibunkun saw us for she was just by the corrido. She told Y that he shouldn't worry for whatever will be will be. He told me to take care. I promised him that i would come to the bus terminal on saturday morning to bid him farewell. He then walked away with a smile on his face.

dancing in circles

Every mornng as i got ready to work, my heart will keep beating. the beats were so constant and it increased at the sight of Y at the office. Going to work became a thing of joy. i started getting very excited coz i knew i would always see him. Some days, i don't get to see him at all. i would miss him terribly. i get consoled by seeing his figure in a far distance, maybe whenever he was entering the staff bus. the truth be told, it was enough for me.

i told Ibunkun that i had fallen in love with Y. She was shocked coz i had told her about O and how much he cared about me. I explained to her that my feelings for Y were very very unusual. i always longed for him and whenever he spoke, butterflies ran through my entire tommy.

Y always dressed casually. he was always looking simple. His voice was my weakest point. i loved it. Ibukun told me i should take things easy with Y. i sent an email to my favorite girl back in Nigeria telling her about Y and how much i preferred him to O, she was just ok with it. Hmmm i wondered. Ibukun later told me that i shouldn't consider having anything to do with Y since he wasn't a Nigerian. She also reminded me that our stay in Ghana was just for a while in addition to the fact that i may not visit again neither will i have the time coz i had to go back to school. i waved all she told me by my side and kept loving every minute of my time at work. as time went on, i stared thinking less of O. wow, i felt justified by my actions. i was like afterall i always have a right to express my feelings.

One morning, we had a briefing in the meeting room and Y was sitting right behind me. people made comments but he didn't say a word. he kept listening and folding a piece of paper he was holding just to pass time. he wrote down some points as the briefing went on and as our General Manager spoke. Ask me again and again how i knew what he was doing? i kept turning to look at him. the other time our eyes met, he smiled at me.

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It was Friday night and atimes we had a little get together were we eat, drink , mix up and dance in circles. Y danced with me that night. it was an ivorian dance so he was teaching me the steps. wow, it felt good. that was how we got talking. it was like boom!!! we got along quite well. he told me about his studies, his country and his family. apparently, he was in his final year in the university. he came to do his attachement just like me. i told him i would like to visit the country since it was very close to Ghana, he encouraged me to plan it. that was how we became friends, we ate lunch together. my job was not affected, i was still at the top of my game.

i felt a bit bad about O. i told myself i will let him know when i return that i don't want to date him anymore. i felt better with Y. he was romantic. very romantic.

One morning, as i came to work, i met Y at the hallway and he told me he has been transferred. He has been asked to return to Ivory Coast. i almost sank into the ground. it was like my world was crashing. i looked him closely without saying a word. he starred at me too and didn't say anything too. our minds spoke to each other. it was one of the most painful news i have ever recieved in my entire life. That night, i did not sleep. Y had just a week left in Ghana.

madam mensah's canteen

On Monday the following week. I reported to work. I noticed it was the normal practice like in Nigeria. I had a desk close to Ibukun’s. It was a wide office with about 6 tables. I and Ibukun were the only Nigerians in that department. Lunch was ok. We had some Ghanaian delicacies on display but I just went for my rice, plantain and chicken just to be on the safe side. The day actually went very well. There was no drama.

One month on the job, things were moving on very well. The General Manager was a Yoruba man. He was of average height, heavy looking but very very sweet.I and Ibukun had fun buying Ghanaian prints. They were so cheap. I also spent some Cedi’s buying the original kente. I wanted to make a sassy style in Lagos. O called at least once a week. It was not enough for me, but I felt it was better than not calling at all. We exchanged emails as well.

One Monday morning, I checked my intranet and there was an announcement that we had an emergency staff meeting. I wondered what it was going to be about. I kind of liked the idea because I would have the opportunity to meet the whole staff. I was taken round the office for introductions upon my arrival but I released that a lot of my colleagues were not on seat that day. All of us sat down at the meeting room. Half of us were Ghanaians, a few Ivorians, a few South Africans and an Ethiopian. It was a wonderful mixture. All of us could speak English. I was loving every minute I spent there. I planned to apply to work there after my studies.

When the Managing Director showed up, there was silence in the room. The emergency meeting was just to announce that some staff would be transferred to Ivory Coast while we would be expecting 2 Ivorians to replace them. It was a normal thing in the company. Staff transfers. I heard from a staff, a cute South African lady ‘if you spend a year working in the company, you would have lived in at least 3 different African countries’.

The next two days, Ibukun was off work. I had finished my report so I headed to the staff canteen for Lunch. When I came in the morning, I ran an important errand for my Manager so I wasn’t in the office. When I returned, my colleague Mefiah told me that the new staff from Ivory Coast had arrived. A man and a lady. I said to myself I would meet them later on. When I got to the Canteen, Madam Mensah asked for my order, I told her what I wanted and waited for her to dish it. As I took the plate of food to find a seat, a tall unusual man entered into the canteen and for the first time, my heart skipped at the sight of a handsome man. Our eyes met, but because of what went on inside of me, I ignored his gaze and sat down quietly and tried very hard to concentrate on my food. After what seemed like a few minutes, the gentleman sat down right opposite me and ate his food quietly.

I felt quite uneasy, the reaction was much. I had almost finished my food and all of a sudden he said ‘Hi, my name is Y’
‘Hi’ I retorted, ‘you must be the transfer staff from Ivory Coast?’
‘Yes’ he said ‘What’s your name and where are you from?’
‘My name is YNV. I am from Nigeria’
‘It’s my pleasure meeting you’
‘Same here’ I said and hurried with my food
‘See you later’ I said and I ran away!
I kept saying to myself ‘Oh I love Y’s voice. I love his accent. He spoke just like a perfect gentleman. The kind of man that will send flowers to a lady!’ That was the day my problems started.